all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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