Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
