No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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