I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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