Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Moan for me like Helen Keller
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
