I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
