just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
