george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
