Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
