so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
