i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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