she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It was confusing and full of hummus
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
