I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
