hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Randomize
