During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
