I wish my penis had an off switch
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
