So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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