I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
