I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
