how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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