Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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