Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
