Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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