WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
