i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
