Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just gargled with NyQuil
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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