operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
