thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
the liver wants what the liver wants
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
