I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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