fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
