mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my shit smells like andre
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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