He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
