watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
