My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
