i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
