I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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