she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My life is pants optional.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
