I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
3pm strippers are depressing
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
