why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
