I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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