I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
