If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
