just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
