I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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