I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
