ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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