my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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