NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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