You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
