Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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