dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
