we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
