I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
